Last week, I was chit-chatting with a friend of mine about all the weddings I have coming up, including a couple of people who got engaged and are getting married SUPER-fast. I don’t really understand the rush sometimes, buuuuuuuut the more I thought about it, the more people I came up with to marry in an instant if they asked me.
So here you go – here’s a list of 29 people I would marry within the month if they proposed right now. Regardless of feasibility, of course.
29. That one kid from elementary school. You know the one. The one we all had that insane crush on because he was just SO CUTE and SO COOL. I would say yes so fast…even though I totally don’t even remember his name.
28. Dimitri from Anastasia Ya, fake, so I’m safe on this one. But I’m a sucker for a con artist who I can turn into an honest man, and those people don’t exist in real life, so…
27. Neil Gaiman The man has impressive hair and is a literary genius, so sure.
26. Dave Franco He seems like the lesser of the crazies when it comes to the Franco family, and therefore the smart choice. Plus, he’s loyal, or so I hear.
25. Dominic Toretto Vin Diesel as he is isn’t really my taste, but ever since I saw the Fast and the Furious in middle school, there has always been something irresistible about a big, buff, car-driving head of household who protects friends like family. I could totally be a part of that.
24. Flynn Rider He’s like, the realest of all the Disney princes, and he really isn’t into cheesy singing unless the mood strikes him, so he’s making the list of potentials.
23. Brangelina They’re strongest as a unit rather than separate. WE would be even stronger.
22. Chandler Bing How could I not? He’s like my favorite friend, and quite preferable to Matthew Perry himself.
21. Jonathan Taylor Thomas Look, I haven’t seen any recent images of this kid, but growing up, I wasn’t obsessed with Leo, Freddie Prinze Jr., or Ryan Phillippe, I was all about JTT.
20. Joe Biden He’s the most entertaining VP I’ve seen in a while. Plus, have you seen that scarf gif? No? Here you are.
19. Norman Reedus Not because of The Walking Dead. Never because of the Walking Dead. Because of Boondocks Saints. Always.
18. Harrison Ford I know he’s old guys, I do. But if the man who is Indiana Jones AND Han Solo asks me to marry him, I’m doing it.
17. Ferris Bueller I really need someone to help me take a chill pill and be spontaneous once in a while, so he’d be a great fit.
16. The Sauza Tequila commercial guy I don’t know his name, and I don’t want to, because if I do, there’s the danger that I might become a crazy stalked girl. I’ll just watch him on the YouTubes.
15. Aladdin I do like to discover new worlds.
14. Heath Ledger Yeah, I know, another impossibility. But if we’re dreaming, I’m going to go all-in. Especially since…well…a lot of my early dreams involved this guy.
13. Daniel Radcliffe It’s not just that he plays the Boy Who Lived…it’s also that he played one of the most interesting characters I’ve read in adult contemporary fiction, Ig Parrish.
12. Harry Potter The fictional character definitely gets dibs on the spot above his actor. Books are always better than movies. Plus, I’m pretty sure he would let me adopt all the orphans.
11. Will Smith This one’s an impossibility because I am legit terrified of Jada Pinkett Smith. Like…terrified in an I-wish-I-was-half-that-badass way.
10. Zach Braff Teenage-me would have to say yes, no matter what. Despite the fact that it would almost immediately end poorly, it would have to happen. Plus, how adorably awkward would we be together? Who am I kidding, we would totally last.
9. Emma Watson Yes, a girl. In the top ten. I admire her in an I-wish-I-was-that-poised-and-badass-and-gorgeous way, so if she’s down, I’m in, too.
8. Joe Manganiello Thanks, Magic Mike, for helping me understand how sexy water and Cheetos can be.
7. Dule Hill I don’t think that anyone truly appreciates my love for this guy, especially his work on Psych. But believe you me, I’d be all about that, given had the chance.
6. Jon Hamm Don Draper. Mizzou. You need anything more? I don’t.
5. Mookie Betts He’s my Boston player-of-the-year, and he’s only five years younger than me, so I’d have some good years to spend mostly on my own before he retires. That’s important when you barely know someone.
4. James McAvoy Loved him since the original version of State of Play, and that fire has not burned itself out, though it has somewhat lessened since he took roles that require him to shave his head.
3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt For reals, y’all. I have loved him at all my (and his) ages – from Angels in the Outfield to The Dark Knight Rises. That’s some staying power right there.
2. Johnny Depp So wise. So private and mysterious. So talented. So damn hot. So yes.
1. The one person who gets me. Obviously, I haven’t met him yet, but if he’s out there, and he understands my need for alone time, appreciates both Aimee Mann & The Hush Sound, loves my quirkiness, and is totally cool with playing Ke$ha at our wedding, then it’s meant to be.