Two and a half weeks ago, I believe it was a Wednesday evening, I was sitting in a bar on a cruise ship, listening to some frat guys do a terrible, horrible rendition of “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift…for the second time.
The second time, y’all. They were bad the first night, and absolutely nothing had changed the second time around.
Now look, I know karaoke can be really good when you’re off-key and drunk. But if you’re going to be that bad, then you have to be committed. Your whole soul has to be in it. These guys were just trying to be cute, and were not, even a little bit, committed to being bad. So they crashed and burned.
Einstein is credited (with limited believability) with saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Whether it was really my boy Albie or not, I agree. Obviously, these guys were crazy. But it got me thinking.
Just before the cruise, I had decided that I was done with some old art as well as my little DVD case display that I’ve lovingly put up in every space I’ve lived for the past 8 years. It was cute, but I felt it was time to be done with it…but that’s all it was, just a feeling that told me to take it down.
I didn’t understand my own reasoning, but I trusted my instincts.
Weird as it is, those frat guys helped me to realize why I needed to take those down.
You see, I’ve been doing a lot of metaphorical tidying up in my life – tossing out or at least downgrading the people who bring nothing of value to my life, people who attempt to bring me down and make me resist the healthy changes I’m making. It’s been so easy for me do this, because I’ve worked really hard at finding and surrounding myself with people who inspire me, who are there for me without addendum or agenda, and who show me that I am valuable to them as well.
And, because I’m a grown up, I’ve been doing this rather quietly over the past two years and avoiding as much drama as I possibly can without compromising myself. Grad school helped, because I have such a limited amount of time to spare that I didn’t have the availability to pretend or “make time” for those who I no longer benefit from relating to. As I get rid of negative people, I have more room in my life – more blank space – for the positive people to occupy, and they’re doing an excellent job of filling it.
That’s what I was doing with the DVD wall.
I’m getting rid of the physical reminders of people who are no longer important to my life – including the old me. Essentially, I’m taking the good memories down from their “place” and filing them away in the sepia-toned, where they belong, instead of allowing the relationships that once served a purpose but now are no longer important to have a spot of honor. It’s not that I’m upset or angry, it’s just time to move on…and an excuse to make a Fall Out Boys reference.
Some of them were great, though, lyrics aside…and this doesn’t mean that I’m getting rid of everyone on that wall – there are some that I’m keeping close to my heart, that I kept out to use somewhere else in my home because they still give me joy. Like these:
I’m making my home a better reflection of my life. And right now, that means I have a lot of blank space on my walls.
I’m okay with this, because it represents potential. And I know that when I’m ready, I’m going to fill it with something amazing.