On the last weekend of my summer vacation, I have to admit that it hasn’t been long enough, but at the same time it’s been too long.
In one way, I’m ready to go back to work. I’m ready to see my kids again, teach reading and writing, and get back into a routine that doesn’t involve binge watching entire TV series in less than a week. (See: Firefly, Mad Men, Arrested Development, Warehouse 13, Futurama, Orange is the New Black, Hemlock Grove, and – most recently – BBC’s Robin Hood.)
And honestly, last year was atrocious. I don’t even know why. I try to puzzle it out, but just when I think I’m getting there, I’m still not able to quite put my finger on it. At first I thought it might be time for me to start thinking about getting out of the classroom (and public schools in general) because of that feeling, but this summer, I saw all my old kids who are still struggling at the high school level, and I felt like myself again instead of that nasty, indefinable feeling that made me dread work some days last year. As I can’t define it, I’ve decided that I need a fresh start to kick this year off and make it 100% better. I need to really love my kids again, and love teaching again, and I’m ready to start that.
In another, totally different way, I’m not ready to give up spending my days with my tiny hounds and besides, I never quite got around to most of the projects I needed to do. I mean, yeah, I spray painted my folding chairs and I found some perfect solutions for future projects…but…I never finished turning books into purses or paint my bathroom door or put a second coat of paint on the kitchen or finish putting together my studio or…the list goes on.
Actually, if I could just keep hanging out at my house for 2 weeks, then traveling for a week, then coming back to snuggle with my hounds, then…that would be the perfect life. I’m sure that I’d get bored of it eventually, but I might get a good 3 years or so out of it.
So I have mixed feelings about going back to work next week in this regard. Plus, I’m really nervous about all of the changes that are happening for this school year. Last year, there were changes that I chose. I bought a house, I ate healthier – those were positive changes that I had almost complete control over. My big deal with the new changes are that I don’t have control over them, and that is something I’m not so great with, sadly.
Change is change is change.
But some changes we can control. Other changes, like new co-workers, new state regulations, new district policies, these are all things I have no control over. They could be awesome or they could be awful, and since I’m SUCH an optimist, you know what I must be worried over.
In case you missed that, it was blogging sarcasm.
How am I dealing with this anxiety/excitement?
Easy. I’m staying busy. I made a week full of social appointments plus started working on lesson plans and renovating (yes, renovating not just redecorating) my classroom.
But that all ends next week. Monday. Less than 48 hours away.