Seriously, guys.

I’m fucking awesome.

Sorry to those of you with weaker tolerances for off color language, but…well…to quote Dead Like Me, “Sometimes off-color language is the most efficient way to convey an idea.”

This time last year, I was sitting at my house wondering how the bloody hell (yes, bloody hell, I was re-reading Harry Potter because I’d hit somewhere close to rock bottom) I managed to get to the point I was at in my life and how the hell I was going to get out of the pit I dug myself.

Please let me point out that my rock bottom is not, and never will be, anyone else’s rock bottom. I mean, you can say all damn day that I’m not at rock bottom because I haven’t a) had a baby, b) been on Maury to find out the paternity of said baby, c) been arrested, d) gotten addicted to a controlled substance, or e) entered rehab. However, I have to point out that I would never, EVER allow any of these things to go down.

For reals, yo. It’s not my style.

In fact, my rock bottom is so far divorced from these points that no one seems to realize just how bad I’m doing, except for my therapist, who still couldn’t resist being a little amused as I fell apart in her office over something that most people don’t give a second thought. I mean, seriously, my friends are fantastic, but almost none of them seemed to realize what a huge thing this ridiculous event was for me. It’s my own fault for being a perfectionist control freak.

So how did I get from that feeling or worthlessness to my proclamation today?

I wish I knew.

What I do know is that 2012 was a year of awesome for me, even if it included some intensely emotional times. For which I owe my friends a large thank you for dealing with on a regular basis.

12. I went to New York. Twice. 

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It boggles my mind that there are people twice my age who have never been to the “Big Apple.” But I suppose these people also don’t have besties up there. Lucky me! I’m also lucky enough to have celebrated both my belated bday and that day we all eat too much and get a day off in November. #win

11. I started focusing on being creative again! 

Craft brunches, painting (not in a class), photography, papercrafting, and writing all made numerous appearances in my life this year. The biggest achievement? I wrote my first full-length young adult novel – and the main character is male! Gasp!

Now don’t get too excited. Before you ask, no, it’s not published. Nor is it edited, and you definitely are not allowed to read it anytime soon. But considering that all the other longer works I’ve written are chick lit books (that you also may not read), this was a huge deviation for me and I’m pretty damn pleased with it.

10. I introduced at least 6 people to the glory that IS Barcadia.

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I love Barcadia. I like to share the love. And yes, this is totally worthy of being on the list, especially as the more people that I take to this bar, the more often I get to go. What whaaaaat?

9. I turned a quarter-century!

Okay, so I wasn’t so thrilled when it was happening, but let’s just bask in the glory that I’ve been alive for a fourth of a century. Delightful. I find it equally delightful that I honored the day by getting fairly trashed at the mall and then going to a Men in Black III showing at 11:30pm….on a school night. Shock and awe are appropriate, as were the hushed tones that my more worldly students immediately adopted upon walking into my classroom the next day. Oh, 14 year old Gs who already understand hangovers.

8. I voted for Obama! Again!

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NO shock and awe are appropriate here. We all know I love Barack. It’s all over the internet. And clearly, so does a majority of America. Or, at least, they like him better than the other option. We’ll take it, either way.

7. I finally got a pseudo-large back tattoo.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. My back tattoo is large for me, but not so huge compared to people who have sleeves…and definitely not compared to the artist who did my tattoo. But it’s beautiful and girly and everything that I could have hoped for, so I’m elated. I love permanency sometimes.

6. I said an effective goodbye to my college town.

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I’m not good at letting go. At all. Remember that as you read #3. So the fact that I said a sweet little goodbye to CoMo this spring was an important achievement for me, even if it was about three years overdue. I’m not saying that I’ll never go back, but it’s not my home anymore, and I made my peace with that. Hopefully I won’t regress if I manage to make it back for spring break or homecoming in 2013…either way, Tom will be waiting for me. We’re obviously close.

5. I lost 53 pounds. 

Yeah, so there’s that. I’m not going to say a whole lot about it now just because once I lose about 5 more, I’ll be blogging about body image, general health, my personal struggles/successes and such at length. So to all you feminists who hate Barbies: start following me now. I predict that this blog will happen within the next month (I’m an optimist, what can I say?).

4. I watched my first class of students I taught for 3 years walk out the door.

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…and I cried like a baby the whole last week. I mean, I was also getting super-old (see #9) and so my nostalgia levels were off the charts, but I was pretty surprised at how hard it was for me. These kids were (still are, actually) really special, and it broke my heart to watch my babies go. I still miss them, I still think about them a lot, and yes, I got all teary-eyed when one of them came to visit last month. But it was a HUGE milestone for me (okay, and them), and I know that it’s way, way up there in the “most important experiences of Erin’s life” category.

3. I bought a house!

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I don’t do committment. I also don’t do decisions. So the fact that I actually trusted myself to make the correct choice AND stuck to it, even when it was trying my last nerve and I was floating in a sea of self-doubt is huge. I mean, it’s not just a commitment to the house, but a commitment to staying in Dallas. A commitment to living in the same town I teach in. A commitment to being happy where I am. It’s a big deal, is what I’m saying.

2. I got rid of people who treat me like crap.

If one good thing came out of the horrible night that WAS one year and a few hours ago, it’s that I had to face the fact that there were people I was allowing to have a huge part in my life that didn’t deserve it. We weren’t on the same page, and the sad phenomenon of me caring more about them than they did about me was happening again. Yes, it took another month and a half plus one really old Triscuit for me to reach my breaking point, because I really wanted to try to fix our friendships first, but eventually I made the right choice. And it’s been SUCH a relief. I deserve better than them, and once they were gone, I had more room for the people who treat me with respect and consideration.

1. I started this blog!

This spring, I decided that I needed an artistic/social outlet. And I realized that blogs don’t have to be all themed and whatnot. They can just…be. So I opened this up and I’ve loved every minute of it. I love Sunday Serenades, I love venting, and I love the fact that some of my closest friends never read the crap I put on here, because then I get to tell it to them, still. So a billion thanks to all of you who are reading – it means a lot!

So adios, 2012, I loved you. I really, truly did. But I hope that it won’t offend you when I say that I’m planning on rocking 2013 even harder. Bring it on, Times Square!

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About Imagine Truth

We seek to learn, and when academics do not present the answers, we look inside our own beautiful imaginations for the key.

One response »

  1. Sarah Koci Scheilz says:

    Fucking awesome = exactly what I would say to describe you. Except I’d probably say “effing awesome,” but I didn’t quite miss the boat, right? 😉 LOVE you, proud of you, celebrating you and all you’ve accomplished!

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