The past couple of weeks, I’ve posted music that I feel is classy, worthwhile, and, at the very least, musically sound. And while I love those songs and artists, and I do spend time appreciating them on a regular basis, I have to face facts: that’s not me most of the time.
Usually, my taste in music is poorly guided and classless. Hence my love of Ke$ha.
So this week, I thought I’d return to normal by putting a spin on one of Billboard’s newest lists, the top 50 Sexiest Songs.
Yes. This is happening. On a Sunday.
Accoring to Billboard, these are the top 50 songs – based on how BIG the hit was, not how sexy it is, we should note – that were written about sex. Now, even though Billboard followed a strong set of rules that works for them, I disagree with some of the rankings based on the quality of the song and its…seduciveness? I mean, their #1 was ‘Let’s Get Physical.’ I love Olivia Newton-John and all, but…no.
So I’ve decided to create my own top 5 by drawing from the full list. (Want to see theirs? Click this link!)
Remember, I worked from THEIR list, so there are some gems – such as The Bad Touch – that didn’t make it on my list purely because it wasn’t on the official rankings. I decided that cross-referencing was the way to go. It seemed more scientific.
5. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy by Rod Stewart
It’s Rod Stewart, sure, but I do love this song. A lot. It’s so fun. I mean, really, it’s one of those songs that encourages you to be ridiculous and dance like a crazy at a wedding…after the champagne toast, of course.
4. Hot Stuff by Donna Summer
Come on. I had to. No, it’s not exactly a song to have sex to or anything, but…it’s Donna Summer. It’s pretty much required.
3. Ignition by R. Kelly
This one was a tough call. There was no doubt in my mind that #3 needed to be an R. Kelly song, but which one to choose? There are so many! I mean, the obvious choice would have been Bump N’ Grind…but when compared side-by-side, I always prefer Ignition. I guess I’m just a sucker for metaphors.
2. Too Close by Next
I wish this music video had the one sentence that the album track has attached to the beginning of this song…then it would give my current #1 a run for its money. But alas, it has some stupid car chase instead. Lame. I still love the song, though.
1. Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
Thank you, boys, for writing this song. Even if you won’t leave a video up on the web or sell our single online as an MP3. We’ll see how long this link stays good.
I think that the greatest argument for this song being #1 is not, in fact, its music video or lyrics, but the simple truth that everyday, all across the nation, strip clubs use this song to entertain their patrons. If you listen very, very closely, you should be able to hear a g-string snapping back into place with a crisp one dollar bill underneath.
Other honorable mentions from this list: Wild Thing by Tone Loc, I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd, Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, Do Me! by Bel Biv Devoe, Like A Virgin by Madonna, Candy Shop by 50 Cent, Lady Marmalade by Labelle, and Love to Love You by Donna Summer.
If you’re wondering what song I feel is one of the sexiest in the world, well, check my recent posts. And if you want to tell me which songs SHOULD have been on my list, or theirs, or both (Shoop, anyone?), feel free to comment.
Source: Billboard’s Top 50 Sexiest Songs