Posted in Humor

Mrs. White, in the kitchen, with the…hot glue gun?

You know, I love a murder mystery as much as the next person, but I generally prefer the type where I dress up in a costume on Halloween and know that everyone’s just acting. And I don’t really enjoy them at brunch. But that’s what almost happened today at our Sunday craft brunch.

I’m not 100% sure when I decided that crafting could be a group activity, but I’ve done it a couple of times this school year. Plus, I mean, I like lazy Sundays and brunch, so I cook brunch, have a couple of friends over, and then we make horrible attempts at Pinterest projects.

First, we made these really adorable bracelets. I would post a picture if I could, but I totally gave all of them away. Oh well.

With the success of our first craft/brunch day, I thought “Let’s do that again! There’s almost no way it can end in serious bodily harm!”

Okay, so maybe I didn’t think that part, but I definitely didn’t think anyone would get injured making some freaking crayon art. But, of course, it’s at my house, and anything involving me is generally going to have at least one close call of some sort.

However, I don’t think that any of us were prepared for the near-murder that our hot glue gun committed today.

Our first projects with the crayon art were pretty typical. We had a little bit of a lame time taking all the wrappers off of our crayons, and it was a bit of a trial to get the crayons all hot glued down on the canvas, but once we had them on there and started blow drying? Magnificence.

Mine is still a little “in progress” until I find the right media to make mine a true “mixed media piece,” so for now just go ahead and picture an umbrella with a couple standing under it where the gap is.

Soon, it will be complete. For now, however, the trauma of the almost-death has made me decidedly wary of completing the project and so I’ve moved on to other pursuits. I know, I know, I still haven’t told you what happened. We’re getting there, I promise.

After we finished the traditional blow dryer art, we decided that we could stand to lose our $5 or less hot glue guns and we tried to feed the crayons through them to squirt the melted, colorful wax out on our canvases. This is where things went ridiculously wrong.

Admittedly, there were warning signs. When Jess was first attempting to get the crayons through the gun, the thing sat for a little bit while we peeled some extra crayons. Then, when she pushed the lever again, yellow wax shot out everywhere. So clearly, the hot glue gun was already unstable.

But we still didn’t expect the legit explosion that came just after Liz left. While Jessi was mildly distracted and on the phone with the hubs, all of a sudden there was an explosion of blue flame that shot from the hot glue gun. Apparently, it had had enough. Jess, of course, dropped it and yelped, but by the time it left her hands, the mini-explosion had contained itself. About five second post-explosion, hot red wax started dripping out everywhere – from every widened seam and hole.

What did I do? I laughed. For like, five minutes. Seriously. There were tears running down my cheeks that I just couldn’t control. Ridiculous.

The best part is how it actually looks like it’s bleeding, as though we murdered it – which I suppose we did, poor thing.

In all honesty, I’m pretty sure the fault lay on us. Because, you see, we were using the “mini” glue guns that are ever so slightly smaller than the regular ones, but that made them that much harder to shove the crayons through, occasionally manually shaving the sides off of them to get them to work. It wasn’t easy, but we just kind of plugged away at it, when really the glue guns were trying to tell us: “STOP! YOU’RE KILLING US! AND IF YOU DO THAT, WE’LL KILL YOU!”

We chose not to listen and you see what happened. Still, it’s a pretty good story, I feel. And a damn good excuse for me to be lazy and procrastinate on finishing my art. One day, friend. One day.



We seek to learn, and when academics do not present the answers, we look inside our own beautiful imaginations for the key.

4 thoughts on “Mrs. White, in the kitchen, with the…hot glue gun?

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